Miles' Story

Miles was a wonderful baby right from the start. I had hardly any morning sickness, no crazy hunger cravings that made me pack on the pounds and I was never plagued with fatigue. He was a textbook baby as far as I could tell, when I would read up on 'stuff that could be happening' it usually was.  We shared our wonderful news over Christmas and I was able to hear the amazing sound of his little heart beating in January. Our ultrasound in February showed that my placenta was a tad low and I'd have to come in again around 32 weeks for them to check on it. We never found out that we'd be having a boy, as we wanted it to be a surprise.

The school year was flying by and I didn't really start showing until I was about five months along. His first little kicks and jabs were amazing to feel. Time moved on and before I knew it he was doing flips and I had to go in again for my second ultrasound.  Being able to see his little heart beating was just as incredible the second time as it was back in February. He was wiggling around a bit, and we could see him moving his lips as he was tasting and practicing his breathing, which were all good signs. My placenta was well out of the way, and we were exciting with all of our good news. Check ups were a breeze, everything looked and sounded great.

Two days away from being 39 weeks on June 22nd I was excited to hear his little heart beating again and I expected the usual five minute in-and-out check up. How could I be so naïve? Throughout the pregnancy we never hoped for a boy or a girl, just a healthy baby, we thought after 20 weeks we were pretty much 'in the clear', at least until delivery... Never would either of us have expected that on that afternoon his heartbeat would not be found.

The doctor tried two machines, but deep down when I heard no sound after what normally takes seconds to find, I knew. My doctor didn't want to give me false hope and said that it looks like the baby has passed. He sent me off to St. Albert where our fears were confirmed; our baby was gone.

In a shocked daze we decided to be induced. By the next morning labour had begun and by that evening I was in the hospital. Eventhough I should have been (according to all I had read 'in the books') around 4 cm, I was only 1 cm. That was crushing news, because for as much as I really didn't want labour to progress I also didn't want to be in pain for days and days. By 6 am on Thursday June 24th I was 9 cm. By 9:06 am we got to meet our beautiful baby boy. The reason he was gone was crystal clear; the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck seven times. What a bittersweet day. Saying hello and goodbye to our Miles, I hope, is one of the hardest things we'll ever have to do. We know he is safe in heaven, but we will miss him forever until we are reunited once again.

I could go on for pages about all I was feeling, but all I can say is that I am so thankful for the support of friends and family. It is great that my husband and I can lean on eachother for support and moreso that we can lean on God to help us through. Without Him I really don't know how we could've gotten through those days, and all the days that have followed.